June 2009
My new heroes
Two women in Austin, TX had a business idea:
Last year, Notario found herself sidelined by illness for nearly a week, unable to do anything other than sit on the couch and watch DVDs of Arrested Development…“It was 3 a.m., and I was delusional from medicine,” Notario says. “And I had the idea to open my own banana stand.”
Sadly, the stand doesn’t look like a big yellow joint, but...
I used to think you couldn't sink any lower than...
I was wrong:
According to the below Oklahoma City Police Department report, john Faron Johnson told cops that he informed Lahoma Sue Smith that he did not have any money, but that she “agreed to give him a ‘blow job’ meaning oral sex, for a box of chips.” Johnson, a Frito-Lay employee, provided Smith with a case of chips he valued at $30.
I know the economy is pretty...
Wait a minute
Did True Blood just introduce a minotaur as the newest character?
This is disturbing...
I just found out that one of my best friends from college is expecting a baby with his wife.
This is a guy who used to show up to class on Fridays with two black eyes, because he would go out to drink on Thursday, drink too much, force himself to puke, and then puke so hard that he popped blood vessels in his face.
He’s going to be a father.
Meanwhile, I recently decided that having a cat...
“They say celebs die in threes. Leave it to Billy Mays to throw in one extra...”
– Marseeah
This wins the Internet today.
Warning
I’m about to photo-bomb you with pics from the gay parade.
The Great Celebrity Snuff-Out of Summer 2009...
This is getting bizarre:
Billy Mays, the burly, bearded television pitchman whose boisterous hawking of products such as Orange Glo and OxiClean made him a pop-culture icon, has died. He was 50.
Tampa police said Mays’ wife found him unresponsive Sunday morning. A fire rescue crew pronounced him dead at 7:45 a.m. It was not immediately clear how he died. He said he was hit on the head...
“I ADVISED HIM THAT WE HAD GOTTEN COMPLAINTS ABOUT A MAN WALKING AROUND NUDE IN...”
– From a recent police report detailing the arrest of the former mayor of Gainesville, GA. He was arrested for being drunk and naked while camping.
(via Wonkette)
AP: Perez Hilton faces backlash again, this time... →
(via inothernews)
Why is the AP writing about this non-story? What a waste of a reporter.
The coroner just announced the cause of death
They found his original nose lodged in an artery.
“People thought that if I kept living in seclusion the way I was, I might die the...”
– Michael Jackson, from his 1988 memoir “Moon Walk”
This is eerie.
Do you people realize
This is it. This is the end of the 20th Century. It took 9 1/2 years, but we’ve finally left the last century behind us.
UPDATE - THE NEXT MORNING: Do you people realize that posts like this are what happens when you get drunk and blast the Thriller album at 2am?
This funeral is going to be so bonkers, you guys
Definitely the best one since James Brown’s.
Everyone turn on BET
They’re just playing Michael Jackson videos in a loop.
Watch“I Want You Back” by The Jackson 5
One of my favorite songs ever.
I don't mean to be flippant about MJ...
I hope he pulls through.
As a musical artist and performer, he’s one of the most amazing human beings who has ever moonwalked the planet.
Of course, as a human being, he’s pretty much a complete train wreck.
I defer to the wisdom of George Carlin, who once said, “Michael Jackson buries them all. I say give him a bunch of kids and let him dance.”
“If her album went to No. 1, that would be a newsworthy thing. If they were to...”
– An executive at E!, talking about exceptions to the ban on Heidi and Spencer news.
It sounds like she’s inciting someone to attack them.
Gov. Sanford's next career - romance novelist
A South Carolina newspaper obtained some of the emails sent between him and his mistress.
The dude writes some really fucking purple prose:
You have a particular grace and calm that I adore. You have a level of sophistication that so fitting with your beauty. I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificent gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the...
“I think he brought a lot stuff. One thing was people actually, he’s really...”
– Tommy Wiseau answers the question “What do you think Philip Haldiman brought to the role of Denny?” during an interview.
You have to read the whole thing. It’s bonkers.
(AV Club via Videogum)
Doesn't Gov. Sanford know that if it's on a...
It’s a rule. Look it up.
HOLY SHIT GOV. SANFORD IS ON TV RIGHT NOW...
This presser is amazing.
You guys need to get better at coordinating your...
Was my John Mayer post offensive to gays?
Was it offensive to blacks?
Or was it offensive to gays, blacks, whites, the Black Eyed Peas, will.i.am, and the hip hop community at large?
Make up your minds.
Either way, I can’t believe that John Mayer’s dumb (but still hilarious) Tweet caused so much high-minded, (if self-righteous) discussion.
Never mind, he was in Argentina
WTF?
Sanford, in an exclusive interview with The State, said he decided at the last minute to go to the South American country to recharge after a difficult legislative session in which he battled with lawmakers over how to spend federal stimulus money.
Sanford said he had considered hiking on the Appalachian Trail, an activity he said he has enjoyed since he was a high school student.
...
Missing Governor may have been participating in... →
I shit you not:
It’s a big tradition. Many hikers celebrate the summer solstice by hiking au naturel. It just so happened the solstice this year occurred on Fathers Day — one of the days Sanford was hiking.
This is starting to look like a giant prank. Is Sacha Baron Cohen involved somehow?