April 2009
“I’m done with the man thing. I did that. I need to move on in life.”
– Actress Kelly McGillis, announcing at age 51 that she’s a lesbian.
By the way, this only makes her the fourth or fifth gayest thing in the movie Top Gun.
NY Times: Italian Prime Minister's wife accuses... →
Italian politics is so awesome:
Yet again, Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi’s wife has written a public letter rebuking her 72-year-old husband for consorting with young and chesty women who are not her. Among them is a business associate’s daughter who has posed in underwear revealing most of her bottom and whose 18th birthday party Mr. Berlusconi recently attended in Naples.
“This surprised...
“It’s based on a short story by Jeffrey Eugenides, which makes me suspect it’s...”
– Kat, reacting to my post about the creepy upcoming Jennifer Aniston movie The Baster.
I agree that using Eugenides as the source material gives the story some literary cred, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say that the filmmakers aren’t going to be aiming for that New Yorker...
Is it just me or does the plot of the new Jason...
From the Huffington Post:
The pair are currently filming “The Baster” in the Big Apple, in which Aniston’s character decides to have a baby with a sperm donor, only to have a friend (Bateman) swap the anonymous sample with his own as he is secretly in love with her.
Nothing says “I love you” like sneaking your own semen into your good friend’s body.
WatchAfter the week-long shitstorm over the date rape scene in Observe and Report, I’m surprised that I haven’t heard anyone make a fuss over this joke from Family Guy.
NY Times: Some college dining halls getting rid of... →
Scores of colleges and universities across the country are shelving the trays in hopes of conserving water, cutting food waste, softening the ambience and saving money. Some even believe trayless cafeterias could help avoid the dreaded “freshman 15” — the number of pounds supposedly gained in the first year on campus.
I tend to suspect that drinking 10 beers a night, 5 or 6 nights a week is...
“If you’re innocent, I’m your best man. But if you’re guilty, I...”
– Mr. T showed up for jury duty. He was not picked, sadly and inexplicably.
But lucky for us, he was tossing out some wisdom. Here’s another one:
“It’s not about ‘The A-Team;’ it’s the J-Team — the jury team.”
Godspeed, B.A. Baracus. Godspeed.
“Take McCain and his daughter with you.”
– Morbidly obese drug addict Rush Limbaugh, reacting to Arlen Specter’s defection from the GOP.
This is the face of the Republican party, people: a fat sarcastic millionaire who beats up on young girls.
Poll: 81% say they personally like Obama →
WSJ/NBC News:
More than eight in 10, 81%, said they personally like the president on the eve of his 100th day in the Oval Office. Of those respondents, 51% said they like him and his policies, while 31% said they like him personally while disapproving of his policies.
He’s your buddy-in-chief!
Duh, don't they know that Wolverine's mutant...
From the AP:
MEXICO CITY – Even the mighty Wolverine is taking precautions when it comes to swine flu.
Film distributor 20th Century Fox says it has canceled actor Hugh Jackman’s scheduled appearance in Mexico City to promote “X-Men Origins: Wolverine.”
“Since my election in 1980, as part of the Reagan Big Tent, the Republican Party...”
– Sen. Arlen Specter
BREAKING: Sen. Arlen Specter to switch from... →
This is huge.
I fear for our youth
From a comment on my earlier post, The Onion article about girls getting fingered on a class trip:
reallyy… who writes about this… im 17 and i have been fingered… you act like its a big deal.. well look at it this way at least they were getting fingered… and not having SEX!!! I dont see y gettting fingered is such a big deal damnn… lol
Weird dream last night...
I was back in high school. But it wasn’t the late 90s; it was the present day. And I wasn’t in Cincinnati; I was in South Bend, Indiana.
I got a phone call from Lee Greenwood, the guy who sings “God Bless the USA.” He wanted me to duet with him at Notre Dame’s graduation, right before Obama spoke.
I said “Are you sure? I’m not a very good...
Harvard Law Professor turns down Notre Dame award... →
As Woody Allen said, “Harvard makes mistakes too, you know.”
“So Bobby Jindal makes fun of ‘volcano monitoring’, and soon afterwards Mt....”
– Paul Krugman (via thebusstop: apsies: robot-heart-politics)
Three Fingered On Class Trip To Washington, D.C. →
The Onion has outdone themselves yet again:
WASHINGTON—Less than 24 hours into their class trip to Washington D.C., ninth-graders from Middleton Junior High School are reporting that three of their female classmates have been fingered.
Those students whose fingerings have been confirmed include 14-year-old Lacy DeWitt, 15-year-old Jamie Cavanaugh, and freshman class president Kelly Oswald.
...
“Now there’s only one Astor Place location left, dangling all alone, like...”
– Gawker on the closing of an East Village Starbucks, notorious for being literally across the street from another Starbucks.
Jay Leno just took his first sick day in 17 years
This is unbelievable:
Jay Leno checked into a hospital with an undisclosed illness Thursday and canceled the taping of the “Tonight” show, but was doing well and planned to return next week, his publicist and NBC said.
[…]
The network planned to air a rerun, the first time it had to cover for a sick Leno since he took over “Tonight” in 1992, St. Pierre said....
WatchDenise Richards: “While squeezing my honkers put your lips on my hoo-hah and let the party begin.”
What’s with all the celebs good-naturedly making fun of themselves on the internet? I’m pitching this as a trend piece on Monday.
Why are you surprised that a cannoli from Olive... →
If you’re ever in New York go to Rocco’s in Greenwich Village and get a cannoli. I don’t even like sweets, but I would fight my way through a gauntlet of sweaty hobos to get one of these.
If you can’t make it to NYC, you can mail order my second favorite cannoli from Cafe Ferrara in Little Italy. They send you empty shells and a big pastry bag of cream so you can...
RadarOnline: Anti-gay Miss California dating... →
This story is getting weirder by the hour.
“I hired an acting coach for the day to get me through it because a lot of the...”
– Lauren Conrad talking about her upcoming cameo on Family Guy, and not exactly inspiring confidence in her intelligence.
(via Videogum)
Burglary FAIL →
Teen soils self after deputy surprises him
…
A teenager suspected of car burglary was so surprised when he opened a car door to find a police officer sitting inside that he messed his pants, police said. […]
“Right as his hand goes to check my handle, I kick the door open,” Taylor said. “I said, ‘You’d better stop right there! Police!’ I’m...
“One man dressed as a cow. When asked why, he responded: “Moo.”
– Stoned people = always hilarious
“It is not unfathomable that four little turtles could be dropped by a little boy...”
– Well geez, when you put it that way it sounds a little ridiculous I guess.
“New Yorkers tend to order food as if they are spoiled children dining in their...”
– The Wall Street Journal explains why New York City food is so good — it’s because we’re all a bunch of whiners.
(via Eater)
“Thank you, but I think a) I should have used some brow gel, b) that is my bad...”
– Kat didn’t like the photo I posted earlier.
Is brow gel a real thing, or are you making that up?
“It’s unlikely that as a consequence of me shaking hands or having a polite...”
– President Obama
(via notthatkindagay)
Prank FAIL
Well, he didn’t die, so I guess he’s technically not eligible for the Darwin Awards:
Man pretending to fall off bridge actually falls
Associated Press
BLOOMINGTON, Minn.—Police in Bloomington say a 23-year-old man is in stable condition after he pretended that he was falling off a bridge over the Minnesota River, then actually fell off the bridge.
Police got a call just before 5...
Young girls walk in on group sex in Taco Bell... →
Haha… I’ve totally eaten at this Taco Bell in downtown South Bend, IN:
“They saw two women servicing two men in the restroom,” father Robert Schumann says. “Eleven years old is still not old enough to learn about such things as that.”
“My 11-year-old asked me, ‘How come two women were coming out of the bathroom and why were two guys in there?’...
“The thing that bewilders me is that this president just cut taxes for 95 percent...”
– Obama advisor David Axelrod on CNN yesterday