November 2008
Charlie Weis should fake a heart attack
It would be believable, and the resulting wave of sympathy might be the only thing that keeps him from getting fired.
“When the officiant tells Claudaniel Fabien he can kiss his bride at the altar...”
– “Practicing abstinence, bride and groom have never kissed”
That’ll be a fun wedding night.
10 bucks says he gets confused and tries to stick it in her belly button.
WatchYou Gotta Pay the Toll Troll (To Get Into That Boy’s Soul)
My favorite musical number from the It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia season finale musical extravaganza.
You can watch the whole brilliant episode here.
Kat is taking the GMATs today
Everybody send her good vibes.
I singlehandedly switched my parents from PC to...
They had an old clunker 8 year old PC that only worked sporadically. After months of me bugging them, yesterday my mom and I went to the Cincinnati Apple Store and picked up a new 20-inch iMac.
It’s gorgeous, and it works like a dream.
I also had them get an Airport Express, so they can keep the printer out of sight in another room and print wirelessly.
My 4 year old Powerbook suddenly...
My new favorite girly beer
I don’t know why I haven’t come across this in New York yet, but here in Cincinnati Michelob Ultra has a line of flavored beers.
Clearly this is being marketed to women, because there’s no way you can get a guy at a bar to order these flavors: Tuscan Orange Grapefruit, Lime Cactus or Pomegranate Rasberry.
So far I’ve tried the orange, and it’s delicious. I was...
Hot cougar action at a college football game!
This is the best story ever. It’s probably a little journalistically suspect that it made the paper, but hell, the election’s over man. Gotta put something in the news:
A couple of University of Iowa fans took a break from Saturday’s game at the Metrodome against the University of Minnesota to have some illicit sex in a Dome restroom, police said.
The duo — a 38-year-old...
The Thanksgiving dish I'm most excited for? Peas...
I don’t know why, but this is my favorite Thanksgiving side dish.
I also like Stovetop stuffing. Homemade stuffing never does it for me. And I want the stuffing to be made on the side — I don’t like stuffing that’s actually been inside the turkey.
“We are asking the jersey chasing women of Notre Dame and St. Mary’s, to...”
– A letter printed in my old college newspaper
Jersey chasers will completely ignore this, of course, but it’s still funny that somebody wrote it.
Joran Van Der Sloot now saying he sold Natalee... →
On the one hand, he’s a well-established liar.
On the other hand, now that the election’s over, cable news needs to fill airtime.
“One of the photos was taken three years ago, according to court documents....”
– High school cheerleaders in Seattle suing school district after nude photo scandal
Two things:
“Accidentally” my ass. These cheerleaders took naked photos of themselves and sent them to boys, who naturally shared them with all their friends.
I graduated high school in 2000, a few...
“Reviewing Chinese Democracy is not like reviewing music. It’s more like...”
– Chuck Klosterman’s entertaining review of the new Guns ‘n Roses album.
I'm watching "The Recruit," the 2003 Colin Farrell...
Bridget Moynahan co-stars as the romantic interest.
I’m normally not attracted to her, because I find her massively thick, sinewy neck to be quite offputting, but in this film it seems sort of under control.
“Q: So why do so many people think a nice kitchen will solve their cooking woes?...”
– Mark Bittman’s Bad Kitchen
A man who cooks in a very tiny kitchen, and likes it.
(via robot-heart)
A small kitchen can have its charms, but it gets old quickly. You don’t realize until you’re deprived of it, but one of the most essential things you can have in a kitchen is...
The video I am currently using to annoy my... →
I used to use the John McCain “Hhehhh!” video, but the novelty wore off.
Now it’s the “Cat Flushing A Toilet” music video.
Song available on iTunes, oddly enough.
WatchThe gods of Hulu and NBC.com have decided, in their infinite wisdom, not to post the funniest sketch from this weekend’s episode of SNL.
Luckily, I am a man of infinite resources, and was able to get my own copy and upload it to the Internets.
I have one word for you: DON’T.
"Meh" becomes an official word →
Publisher HarperCollins announced Monday the word had been chosen from terms suggested by the public for inclusion in the dictionary’s 30th anniversary edition, to be published next year.
The origins of “meh” are murky, but the term grew in popularity after being used in a 2001 episode of “The Simpsons” in which Homer suggests a day trip to his children Bart and...
Sometimes I hope that Evangelical Christians are...
Because once you get past the planes dropping out of the sky etc., The Rapture would be a great thing.
All the bible-thumping assholes get disappeared to Heaven and only the fun people are left on earth to run amok.
I saw the new Bond movie last night...
Pretty enjoyable, I thought.
The plot was completely nonsensical, of course — something to do with a villain giving away the oil rights in Bolivia so he can control the country’s entire water supply. Because obviously gouging a bunch of poor peasant farmers for water is way more lucrative than selling oil to the rest of the world.
But essentially the film is Bond brutally killing...
“The theory is almost too perfect to be true. Barack Obama, the son of...”
– A factoid that I had never heard before, from a Newsweek article speculating that in 9 months we may see a baby boom because celebrating liberals last week could not stop screwing after Obama won.
Newsweek is missing one detail though. Sure, Barack’s victory may have spurred an increase in...
This week has been mentally exhausting
Work was crazy this week — three people out on vacation and their workload fell to me.
I feel like I haven’t had a single minute to gather my thoughts since my Boston trip last weekend. (I haven’t even had time to sort through the photos from the trip.)
Hence, the light blogging.
I’ll be more prolific next week, I promise.
Report: MadTV canceled →
Meh.
No great loss. MadTV is not and never was funny.
SNL is hit or miss, but at least they aim high most of the time. MadTV just goes for the most obvious jokes and tries to appeal to the lowest common denominator.
I just saw Elizabeth Berkley
I was walking past the elevator bank on the 18th floor of my building. An elevator opened to let some people off. One person stayed in the elevator: Elizabeth Berkley.
My first thought: “Whoa, Jessie Spano!”
My second thought: “I’ve totally seen a close-up of your bare vagina.”
Salma Hayek: I'm addicted to breast feeding! →
Well, if your baby outgrows it at some point, and you need a fix, I’m there for you.
VIDEO: 7-year-old Piper Palin clomping around in... →
Careful honey. The RNC is gonna want those back.
Obama daughters asked to appear on "Hannah... →
theengineer: (via caro) Oh God, don’t do it, Sasha and Malia!
Why not?
If you were 10, and your favorite TV star invited you to appear on your favorite TV show, and your parents said “No,” wouldn’t you hate your parents forever?
I know that if Raphael had invited me to appear on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles I’d have been really pissed if my parents had stopped me from...
WatchUh oh. We should have listened to Rush Limbaugh.
Obama wants to mend fences with Lieberman →
Ugh.
Obama is clearly a better, more forgiving man than I. After Lieberman’s disgraceful performance at the RNC, I certainly would have smacked that weasel to the ground.
“So no, I think that if there are allegations based on questions or comments that...”
– Okay, I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt, mostly because nobody could possibly be stupid enough to not know that Africa is a continent.
But “the continent vs. the country”?
Why is she under the impression that there’s a country called Africa?
WatchObama Win Causes Obsessive Supporters To Realize How Empty Their Lives Are
The Onion nails it again:
“Experts say some voters’ fixation with the Obama campaign ran so deep, they’ve lost the ability to process non-Obama-related information. Across the country today, authorities are reporting throngs of Obama supporters wandering without purpose in streets or parks.”
How I'm feeling now that the election is over
A little empty, actually.
It’s worth noting that I felt the exact same way after Obama beat Hillary. (I just couldn’t imagine that the general election would be as interesting as the primary — and until the Sarah Palin selection, it wasn’t.)
I think I’ll snap out of it in a few days.
Also, it’s still surreal to me to hear the TV anchors refer to...
“My wife of 25 years came out of the blue after Christmas this past year and...”
–
Spying on other people’s computers. - By Michael Agger - Slate Magazine
(via robot-heart)
===
My ex and I had an open journal/email/aim logs policy (or rather one she implemented and I had to comply to in the interest of equality) and there is no more certain means to a painful end. It’s...
“Wasilla hillbillies looting Neiman Marcus from coast to coast”
– Newsweek previews an upcoming article that promises to give a behind-the-scenes look at all of the Palin strife.
From the snippets they released, it will be a must must must must MUST read:
NEWSWEEK has also learned that Palin’s shopping spree at high-end department stores was more...